“The Best Interests of the Children” and the Guardian Ad Litem

Today's blog post is scribed by Jeremy Abernathy.



This oft used phrase refers to the standard the Court must apply in making decisions for cases involving children.  The General Assembly intentionally left the standard vague because there are a sundry of factors that weigh into what is best for a particular child.  Each case has separate facts and circumstances that add a degree of complexity to this standard, and uniqueness as to how the standard is applied.  The Judge does not have the advantage of having a “cookie cutter” formula in making decisions affecting the health and welfare of the child.  

The Judge has to sift through the divorcing parties’ warring viewpoints of case resolution relative to child custodial issues.  Further, the Judge must decipher which allegations are genuine or without merit.  The attorneys are often wrapped up in zealously arguing their clients’ perspective of what is in the children’s best interests.  Everyone’s job is tough, and unfortunately, what can get lost are the children.

The Court, however, has assistance available.  The Court, under Uniform Superior Court Rule 24.9 can appoint a  guardian ad litem.  The guardian ad litem serves as an “extension of the Court’s eyes and ears.”  The guardian can visit the home of the children; interview the teachers of the children; interview a party’s new spouse or mate.  There are limitless ways in which the guardian can assist the trier of fact, so therefore, guardians profoundly affect the case.

Consequently, it is important to be courteous and respectful to the guardian.  The tried and true old adage about kindness applies here: “you catch more bees with honey than vinegar.”  An additional adage equally applies:  “kindness is the first step to cruelty.”  The balance must be struck between respect for the guardian and also, challenging the guardian to be accountable and thorough in their very important function.

In conclusion, there are many factors that weigh into what is in the best interests of a child.  The factors vary from case to case.  A guardian ad litem assists the Court in reaching its decision.  Therefore, guardian should be treated with high regard, but also challenged in a cordial manner to provide the Court a complete picture.

Jeremy Abernathy
http://www.allfamilylaw.com/Bio/JeremyAbernathy.asp

The Dog Days of Summer

We are mere weeks away from the beginning of school and, thereby, the end of summer.  But as I sit here tonight in the sweltering summer weather, here in the hottest summer ever in recorded history, school, and with it the promise of autumn and cooler temperatures, seem forever away. 

Families will soon enough return to the fast paced life of packing the kids off to school, making PTSA meetings and Parent/Teacher meetings and class events.  Soon enough parents will be back to reviewing home work and wondering how projects get lost before they get turned in.  Soon enough children will be back to early bed times (initially before dark) and extremely early rise times (maybe initially still after dawn?)  Soon enough we will make sure the uniform is washed or just the right outfit is ready to go for the next day. 

But right now families are wrapping up their summer, taking their last vacations, winding down the week long camps for the children.  Within mere days we will be "back to school" shopping, meeting teachers, and standing astonished as our young ones go out that door again into a new grade, another year behind them and another year closer to being gone from our loving grasp.

But now, it's hot and it's steamy and it's lazy.  And it's summer.  And it's great.

Michael Manely

Kids

I am painfully aware that I have taken an unacceptably long hiatus from this blog.  As you can tell, in part from the last post, the events of the month and our trial schedule has kept me occupied and away from this nightly duty.

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I once handled a matter that involved a teenage girl who was the bane of her parents' existence.

Of course, many of my cases involve kids.  Usually the questions are who gets the kids, who spends time with the kids, who makes important decisions about the kids?  Often enough the children are involved on some level.  The kids almost always know about custody questions and, particularly if they are of age, often want to have a say. The gal I'm writing about tonight wanted to run the whole show.  She caused great trouble in her parents' divorce and she was quite aware of it.

Somehow, somewhere, the parents had put her in charge.  Everything had to be cleared by her.  What she didn't like, didn't happen.  "How would this be for you, dear?"  "Mommy, I don't like it!"  "Okay, then, we won't do it."  You can imagine. 

So here her parents were divorcing, I presume with her blessing, but she insisted on running that show, too.   And, in little girl fashion, her interference was not marginal, not subtle, but had to be center stage, occupying all energies and manifesting huge crises. 

It was a nightmare.

As time wore on, one parent began to get it, began to try to reign the child in.  The other parent continued to carry out the child's bidding.  Do you want to guess which parent that child wanted to live with?  When a teenager is given a choice between rules and absolute freedom to do what she wants, it is the rare teenager who knows that rules are in her best interest.

But the law gives that teenager a choice.  And judge's are somewhat loathe to deny a teenager's wishes, particularly as they get older. 

So the parent who enforces boundaries loses and of course the child loses.  And the parent who is laissez-faire prevails. 

And yes, sometimes the legal outcome makes no sense.

I think maybe the judges think the child is so far along and too far gone, that telling the child "no" on that particular judgment day, has very little lasting value.  Insofar as the judge, a stranger, can step in and change family dynamics with a solitary judgment is concerned, it would be an exercise in pure hubris for that the judge to believe he would really make a difference.

And so the child is lost, at least temporarily, until the day she is tested, weighed, measured and hopefully on that fateful day, not found wanting. 

We never really know.  Only time will tell. 

I can only hope that time will be kind.

Michael Manely

Teach your children well.

I'm going to get a little preachy tonight, but at least I'll be brief.

We all know we are modeling for our children.  How we behave is how we best express that we want them to behave. "Do as I say and not as I do," doesn't work as well as follow the leader.

Because our children model us, think about your life.  Are you living the life you want your children to live?  Why would you expect them to live any other way?  It was good enough for you.

Have a lot of drama?  Expect drama centered kids.  Hate your spouse?  Expect your daugher to find a man just like the one who married dear old mom.  Tolerate your spouse at best?  Expect your son to find a woman he can passibly live with.  No love lost there. 

I find it much more fulfilling, rewarding and positively enabling, to live the life you want your kids to emulate.  They're going to use you as a standard anyway.  You might as well make sure it is a good one.

Michael Manely

Summer Camp

In the midst of divorce, in the height of crisis and turmoil day after day, locked in the throes of litigation and courtroom battles, one right after the other, you might wonder how my small army of elite litigators keep their heads straight.

They don't.

No, really, they do.  I was just making that up.

We try to lead normal lives even though we take home with us the experiences that our clients share and the knowledge we glean from day after day courtroom battles. 

For example, this week, when I get the chance, I'm looking at summer camps.  I have three children, all  boys.  The two oldest are a long way from the days of summer camps, but my youngest is definitely down for some cool summer experiences.  And I am knee deep in assessing our summer options for his bright and inquiring mind. 

We have our usual standbys that I wouldn't think of leaving out, a week of sports camp, a week of nature camp, even a week of art camp which he has taken to, but what about the remaining weeks of the summer?  Sure, vacation will occupy a week, maybe two if we're real lucky, but since my wife and I both work, we want to provide him with enhanced learning opportunities, though I wouldn't begrudge him a few weeks just lazing around being bored during the hazy days of summer.

And how about you?  Summer comes whether we are ready or not. Summer comes and we've got to get organized for our kids. Our kids look to us to carry on as usual, no matter the trials, tribulations or ordeals we may be privately facing. 

And, in a sense, that's a very good thing.  Our kids help us stay centered, focused on the long term, focused on the good things. I think we need them every bit as much as they need us.

Bless our kids in every way and may their summers be wonderful.

Michael Manely