Monday, March 22, 2010

The spouse who lies in waiting.

When you finish contemplating your divorce, you do one of two things: you hire a family law lawyer to begin the process immediately, or you get yourself organized in preparation for hiring a family law lawyer to begin the process.

Many people need to plan somewhat.  They might need to put a little money aside.  They might need to organize their next place of abode.  They might need to prepare the children in whatever form feels right to them.

Many people need to plan somewhat, but there is a special place in hell for the spouse who lies in waiting.

Most of what I have written thus far can be chalked up to "peoples will be peoples," kind of a forgiving look at the exploits of married people.  People make mistakes, they don't handle their actions as well as their better angels might advocate.  But the people I'm talking about are the spouses who decide to divorce and then spend months, and in some cases years, plotting the downfall of their impending ex before they pull the trigger.

The plotting spouse is a real enemy under your roof.  The plotting spouse creates opportunities by creating a false sense of trust in the relationship.  You don't see it coming because your spouse doesn't want you to. You get blind sided because that's the battle plan.  Often, you even get set  up, literally, and you don't realize the trap until it has long been sprung.   Not infrequently I have to explain the trap to my client because of how sucked in my client has gotten to the false trust in the relationship with the plotting spouse.  When the realization sets in the effects can be emotionally devastating.

This plotting is the worst form of treachery. 

It is also devastating because the client is in shock for a long time afterward, unable to mobilize an effective defense and already so far behind in a fair presentation of their evidence that justice may seem insurmountable.

But, like I said, there is a special place in hell reserved for these plotters.  And not only will karma catch up with them and make them rue the day, I will too.

Michael Manely

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